autumn twilight
… where the water meets the sea, between the worlds, within the void …autumn twilight
… where the water meets the sea, between the worlds, within the void …Selflessness
Perhaps the most simple truism of the modern world is this:
At their heart, everyone is selfish.
The idea of selflessness is something that we reject out of hand. When someone does something kind, or displays compassion, or sacrifices for another, we rationalize that the act is ultimately selfish because it benefits the individual in some way.
By very real logic, this is perfectly rational. The idea that a person may benefit psychologically, or socially, or in some other intangible way from an apparent sacrifice is completely true. The trouble with this argument, is that it is completely hypocritical when put in the context of the overall ethos that it comes from.
Simply put: In the west, material wealth is the measure of a persons value. We often assume that it is the satisfaction of desire that is tantamount to achievement in the west, but beneath that desire, the larger conceptualization is one of posession, of having.
If Desire, or the satisfaction of Desire, were the pinnacle of desire, the super-wealthy would have no impetus to grow more wealthy. The middle-class would be content with their ability to do just about whatever they want with their life. No, the only place where Desire can be considered the driving force of our culture is if that desire is pointed at the accumulation of wealth.
If the underlying measure of selfishness is wealth, then any act that depletes ones wealth for the good of others is a selfless act. It injures the self for the benefit of another.
And I think that is what we are really talking about when we begin the discussion about selflessness. It’s not about what is being sacrificed, it is about the effect that the sacrifice has upon a person. and that effect, whether it is beneficial or injurious, must be put in the correct context. The context of the west is Wealth.
So the truth of this simple truth, is that it’s a lie. It’s a lie we tell ourselves because selfishness has become a badge of pride. Because it’s far easier to deride or ignore a person who is acting only in their own interest.
The biggest danger of this ethos, one that I fear has come into play many times in the last few decades, is that we have lost the power of acting in concert. Because even when we do act as a large group, our culture makes the assumption that each individual of that group is in it for themselves, for their own personal reasons. Indeed, our media emphasizes this, making a point to seek out the most diverse viewpoints of any large group and present them as though they are all equal shares of the group mind.
Individualizing the cause of a group or organization trivializes it. That is not to say we can’t or shouldn’t Personalize a movement, we most certainly should. There is a difference between giving the public access to the driving, very personal and relatable aspects of a group movement, and telling them that each person is in it for their own personal reason.
This is the power of a message. When the message is concise, strong, and inviting it provides the opportunity for massive change. Our challenge today is that it is virtually impossible to codify or present a message. The volume and quantity of divisive voices is overwhelming. Add to that the habit of news media to not bother differentiating fact from opinion and we have a vast sea of fragmented voices, and no message to unify a populous.
The simple truth, my friends, is that all of this is possible because we no longer believe a person can be selfless, and that very belief is predicated on a lack of context.
Why is the belief in selflessness so important? Because without selflessness, there is no such thing as a cause. There is no such thing as a movement based on principles. Everything becomes about self-gratification.
The Gay-Rights movement, which should be about civil liberties and equal rights for all forms of sexual expression is marginalized as “A minority of people who want to normalize their deviant sexual practices.” The trouble is, that statement is true. And because of the assumed selfishness, the idea that people who are not part of that minority group would or could support or further the movement is taken off the table. Our disbelief in selflessness simultaneously fragments, marginalizes, and minimizes the movement.
And since selflessness (or the lack thereof according to our culture) is about personal gain, the very idea of standing upon philosophical, ethical, or even moral principles is off the table. Any person who does stand up on a principle becomes a suspect. We wonder what their “real” motivation is.
So here’s the real truth. Selflessness is real. Sacrifice is real. There are good people in the world, far more than you realize. They’re all around you.
Stop buying into the lie. Accept that people are good, that they are compassionate, that they are selfless. Confront the lie wherever it crops up.
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Uncertainty
There is magic in uncertainty. It is the magic of possibility, of personal growth, of transformation.
This is different than what most people think of when they think about magic. The idea of magic, for most people, is one of control. We practice magic because it gives us another avenue of influence, another way of controlling the outcome of a situation. But that’s not always how it works. In fact, that’s, in my opinion, only a tiny portion of what magic is, and more often than not practitioners who are after control find it in one way only to lose it in others.
The magic of uncertainty is the opportunity to demonstrate truth. We all spend most of our lives in a very limited bubble of probable actions. Our personality, character, background, culture, religion, social group, and a hundred other factors define the space of our regular activities. We like to believe that we aren’t limited by these things, but by and large we are.
Uncertainty gives us the opportunity to push those boundaries. To demonstrate something that is real and true, but outside what is expected of us. When the outcome of a situation is uncertain we have a real opportunity to exert effort in a way that we don’t when something is predetermined.
We don’t have to stretch ourselves or work for things that we know are going to happen. The sun is going to rise. Businessmen are going to screw the rest of the world. Religious fanatics will do something fanatical. These are pretty much given. But the uncertainty of a blank white wall in an empty apartment, or the chance to sway public opinion with your words, or a big project at work, is an opportunity to do something unexpected.
That is a very real, very powerful type of magic. There are far fewer things that are truly uncertain than we would expect. Most of our experiences on a daily basis are pretty standard. We may not expect the details, but we know the essential structure of what’s going to happen. This gives us the comforting illusion of a predictable, rational world. It is the things that occur that are wildly outside of expectation, of near certain occurrence, that really give us the opportunity to make changes.
Take advantage of the uncertainties when you encounter them. Look for them. Ask yourself when you see them, how can I use this to make myself better? How can I surprise myself?
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Festival of Lights
I’ve got a lot brewing in my mind tonight. More than I have adequate words to summarize. I’ll not hurt myself trying.
I think what I want to say is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that the world isn’t what I believe it could be. I’m sorry that there is so much suffering in the world. I’m sorry that I have only the limited resources I do, that I can’t simply wave my hand, or enter into fervent prayer, and wash away all that is wrong with the world.
Everyone sees Imbolc as this joyous festival. The time when we get to really start looking forward to all the great things that are coming. We have a chance to start many things anew. To plant new crops. To create new relationships. To get away from the cold that has kept us cooped up. Imbolc is the festival of hope for the future.
But it is also a time to say we’re sorry. To reflect upon our actions. To cleanse ourselves in the snow. To purify our intent. The light is returning, and there is much cause for hope, but the future is not all sunshine and roses. When the spring comes there will still be starving children all around the world. There will still be injustice. And suffering. There will still be people taking advantage of anyone they can.
I believe, deeply, that we are better than these things. I believe no child should suffer enough at the hands of his peers that he takes his own life. I believe that humanity has within it greatness that we hardly ever see. And I believe that we turn away from that greatness because it is different from what we know.
There are more reasons for this than I can hope to illuminate in a compendium, let alone this humble post. I’m sure I can’t truly begin to grasp the magnitude of our aversion to it, but I can see the aversion at work all the time. We don’t allow ourselves our greatnesses. To use Coyle’s words, we don’t allow ourselves to be big enough.
When you see the light returning, don’t see it only giving life to the crops. Let the light show you the shadowy places too. Your own and those around you. Let the returning light reveal our greatness, that we have the power to change, to choose.
The state of theo, Elemental Diets (partial)
the theme of my life right now is change.
Believe it or not, it has been a very productive six months since I’ve made regular posts. It doesn’t always feel that way. Not to me anyway. I have a bad habit of getting mired in the details of life, and forgetting to look at things from the big picture.
One of the challenges that those details bring is a difficulty in prioritization. Details all seem fairly equivalent. When it comes to little tasks it’s hard to remember that in a list of a hundred things, only a few of them need to be done now, and only a few of them have any meaning or impact beyond the immediate.
One thing I’m learning is that a busy person can’t afford not to make hard decisions about what will and will not get done. If I want to make real progress in some things, other things will have to be let go of. Nobody, not even as awesome as I think I am, can do everything that they’d like to do.
(On that note, if you can do everything you want to do I challenge you to think bigger.)
What that means for me right now, is that I have to make a lot of choices about where my energy and time are focused. One of those choices, that’s staring me right in the face, has to do with my intellectual diet. The things I read, listen to, and watch. Other people call this an information diet, or a media diet. I think of it primarily as the diet of Air.
The diet of Air is what feeds your mind. What do you spend time thinking about, absorbing through media, digesting in journaling or conversation. We all need a healthy diet, and as with any diet there should be balance. I think, in the west at least, our Air diet is extremely heavy on junk-food that is primarily nourishing only to emotional centers. Much like twinkies are. They make us *feel* full and happy and nourished, but the feeling is immediate and in the long run they don’t add a lot of benefit.
I know that I am probably less prone to subsisting on a media diet of junk-food than many people seeing as I don’t own a TV. That said, I do have the internet, and I have no problem spending a day watching old episodes of Bones or Buffy or Roswell, or any one of a hundred terrible movies that I adore.
My saving grace in this is that I am pretty much unable to sit still long enough to just watch television shows. I always have to have something to do while I’m watching. Sometimes this is a casual flash game. No benefit there. But as often as not it’s something that is at least mildly productive and mentally stimulating.
Still, I believe there is a lot of room for improvement in my Air diet, and I plan on working on that.
But in truth, the last six months or so has been one of the most productive periods in my life (getting back to the point.) I’ve found a new apartment (I’m in the process of moving), I work for a different company (although I do the same job), I helped get the new website for the Brotherhood of the Phoenix up and running, and a ton of other things. There is plenty of change still happening.
This year, I’m looking to try and focus my efforts a bit more narrowly. I’m going to re-approach life-audit work to try and manage the things that I’m doing to tasks that actually further larger goals and not just immediate-feel good goals. This is the work of the Diet of Fire, which is of course the diet of our physical activity, and how and where that activity is applied. As with any other diet, balance is important, and the content of the activity is as important as it’s output. Simply doing enough things may keep one alive, but it doesn’t necessarily nourish us. That is a lesson I’ve had to learn. I was hard-wired by my mother to not be comfortable just sitting around doing nothing. But I’ve found that a lot of busy-work I do is just done to satisfy the feeling of getting something done. Again, this is the Fire-diet equivalent of a Twinkie. It feels good and satisfies the immediate need, but in the long-run it’s not that beneficial.
But I digress, as I often do.
For those of you who’ve noticed some changes to the site’s URL and such, I’ve done some behind-the scenes work to make admin easier on my side and manage multiple sites better.
For those of you who had trouble with the rss feed, it should be fixed now. That said, you should change your bookmarks to point at: http://autumntwilight.theogeer.net/feed/
The site is due for a redesign, but I’m putting that off for the moment. I’m going to try and focus on updating regularly again first.
Stay tuned, hopefully for some more regularly scheduled content, but definitely for more changes and love coming from me to you!
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Lessons from Starwood: Hedonism
I’ve had the opportunity to give a bit more thought to my experience at Starwood. I’ve been trying to summarize things, and I can’t do better than I already have. “Awe. Dread. Sorrow.” That was my primary experience of Starwood. But there is much more I can say about that Awe, Dread, and Sorrow.
Lesson the first: Hedonism is the only sin I’ve ever been able to categorize. This is difficult for me to say for two reasons. One, I don’t really believe in sin, and two, I consider myself rather hedonistic at times. I was wrong. I saw real hedonism at Starwood.
Hedonism, to paraphrase Wikipedia, is the philosophy that pleasure is the ultimate good. In essence, everything is done, or should be done, in the pursuit of pleasure. I can’t express strongly enough how wrong this philosophy is. Pleasure is indeed a good thing, but the blind pursuit of pleasure is as wrong and dangerous as the blind pursuit of anything else. Our existence is predicated on a spectrum of experience and relationships. When our pursuit of pleasure is more important than those relationships it becomes self-destructive.
Hedonism, at it’s worst, seems to me an addiction. It drives a person ever towards their next fix. It teaches us to avoid any discomfort or pain and to seek out pleasure wherever it may be found. When our ethics are determined by our addiction we are completely unable to live or operate in a sustainable relationship with the world around us. We see this demonstrated by drug addiction on a regular basis in our society. I am beginning to believe that our cultural predisposition towards the misuse of drugs and alchohol is actually a symptom of the hedonistic philosophy underlying our consumer economy.
The Starwood bonfire, which took all week to build, was a prime instance of hedonistic excess. The entire community was focused on this act, on this revelry, but the event was devoid of any meaning or purpose beyond induldgence. There were no words spoken, no forces evoked, no reason given. The bonfire was reason enough. The sheer pleasure of the act was purpose enough.
Small Parts of The Self
I have a great deal to say about my time at Starwood. I promise, but I’m still processing much of that. And since it has been some time since I’ve posted anything, and since I have words today, here is what I have.
I feel small. Terribly terribly small. Like I’ve taken on burdens far beyond what I can reasonably sustain. I feel as though the city is crushing me. Like I haven’t had time for myself, for my own healing, my owh thoughts, my own processes. I feel little and crowded. The introvert in me is positively screaming and begging to escape.
… read the rest
Crisis of Faith
Making the best of a bad situation is sometimes more than you can hope for, but it’s always something to aim at.
I don’t believe, philisophically, that people choose to behave badly. In fact, I don’t believe people make the choice of being evil. Evil is the product of different values, bad judgment, an inability to reason, or an inability to temper reason with values, or any one of a hundred other mixtures of state. I believe that people are inherently good. They do what they think is right. It may not be in line with their stated or cultural morals, but they think it is the best decision they can make at the time.
… read the rest